Holidays……let the journey begin


So we’re off on holiday to Cornwall. 4 and a half hours trapped in the car with 2 caged animals. God help us if the DVD player stops working. Mr Mess Stress and Fancy Dress has already taken a wrong turning as using the sat nav this early in the journey is a clear threat to his masculinity. We haven’t even made it to the motorway yet. We are already starting to dislike each other and the children. Great start.

We are going to stay at Bosinver farm, it has amazing reviews and you get to feed the animals every morning with the farmer. The Diva is very excited about this as she loves animals and at points has wanted to be a zoo keeper – current career aspiration is to be a window cleaner but this is an improvement on “princess” so I’m not complaining. The farmer takes the kids round at 9.30 I think they can collect eggs and do pony rides too. Hopefully they have a spare pig enclosure where we can leave the Incredible Hulk while we drink Cornish cider.

The Diva keeps trying to open her window and then complains that she can’t hear the DVD player. The Incredible Hulk keeps pulling the wires out of the DVD player with his feet, then cries when the screen goes blank. I keep eating crisps and muttering. This cycle of events is likely to last the duration of the journey, assuming we complete the journey without killing them. Mr mess stress and fancy dress is trying to stay positive, but I know the signs and he will soon be huffing and puffing and demanding chocolate while questioning why on earth we imagined Cornwall was a feasible location, when we usually want to stab each other by the end of the 2 hour journey to his parents.

I need a wee. Mr mess stress and fancy dress specifically told me not to bring a travel mug of coffee as I would need a wee. There is no way I can now admit that I need a wee, especially after the bollocking I gave him for the wrong turn.  Soon I will start asking the diva if she needs a wee in an attempt to use this as a cover for my own weak bladder. This will be foiled when she also denies the need to do a wee, and we will probably both wet ourselves in stubbornness. Only one of us has a waterproof mat on our car seat though……. More when we arrive…?

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