Pevic Flawed

Pelvic-flawed

Me and my bladder had a slightly dysfunctional relationship even before the children desecrated my lady garden. We rushed to hospital when I was 37 weeks pregnant only to discover that it was not in fact my waters that had broken, but more my pride. We left the maternity ward with my husband belly laughing and asking me if we had genuinely raced all the way here because I’d pissed myself in the hallway. Sadly this was the case, and I shamefacedly left for home, overnight bag in hand – (well husband’s hand, despite the laughing, he is a Gent)

And really from here, it was downhill all the way. The midwives tell you all about your pelvic floor, they talk you through the exercises. I sort of paid attention, but much like when people warned me that it would soon happily leave the house without brushing my hair, I kind of assumed that it wouldn’t happen to me.  I hadn’t really realised that after childbirth, the following situations would be like playing Russian roulette with my continence:

  1. Running – I don’t mean actual organised running. I mean the kind of random bursts of activity with are generated by a toddler who thinks he’s spiderman. The 10 meter dash you do from one child to the other across the playground as you spot the toddler hanging upside down from a swing (how?). The school run sprint when you realise you didn’t set the cooker clock properly after the clocks went back and you’re actually late to pick up. This is ill advised. Running is not my friend.
  2. The Hokey Cokey. This seems like safe ground. Who would suspect such a family friendly dance was actually so dangerous? Your left leg and your right arm go in and out with no problems, all is well. The baby is having a nap and the 2 year old Diva is in hysterics, she can’t wait to shake it all about, you dance and sing together. You feel delighted to be bonding over your love of crap party songs. But when its time to put your whole self in, take my advice, don’t bother. That jump, that jump is dangerous. That jump might leave you running upstairs to get changed, shouting Mummy’s just doing a wee, back soon. The accuracy of this statement was frankly shameful.
  3. The trampoline. This is well known for being dangerous. It’s often discussed that many Mummies struggle on a trampoline. My kids know that before we go in, we all have to go for a wee. I say it’s because the Diva might wet herself. She might, (like mother like daughter) however the bladder most likely to be completely voided, sadly isn’t hers.
  4. The kids. Those crazy little human beings are frankly hilarious. I have been known to laugh until a tiny bit of wee came out, while my naked daughter does an unexpected Morris-Dance with two pairs of her pants as hankies. I have sat with tightly crossed legs as my son runs laps of the house with a small plastic boat, shouting “shit, shit” (I was laughing so much I couldn’t even correct him.)

So if you’re reading this and you haven’t yet had a baby, for the love of God, do your pelvic floor exercises. If you’ve had some kids and your pelvic floor has done you proud, go you! Feel glorious. And if you’ve ever had to reach for the Tena-Lady, treat yourself to a metaphorical hug from me (and maybe a little slice of Swiss-roll), you are not alone. However if you’re a smug faced, dry panted man, be grateful. In the wise words of that bloke in Braveheart, They can take your sex life, they can take your sleep, but they’ll never take your continence! (well he said something like that anyway).

PS – Did you manage to get to the end of this post without feeling compelled to do your pelvic-floor exercises??

 

 

Mama Mim
Friday Frolics

27 Comments

    1. I like the Braveheart ‘quote’. I don’t know how many times I was reminded about pelvic floor exercises while pregnant and shortly after delivery. Honestly who has time to remember them when you’re trying to figure out how a baby works?! Anyway, you have me doing them now 🙂 #parentingpicks

    1. Isn’t it amazing how many things the midwives and doctors tell us but that we can’t actually believe/understand/care about until it happens? I was warned I might need a C Section but was sure that my good health and high pain tolerance (I don’t actually have this) would mean I could give birth naturally just fine. What an idiot I was! Mother Nature had other ideas….. X

      1. Pregnancy hormones fill you with distracting thoughts about cute baby clothes and biscuits. I was not interested in wasting brain space on the array of things that might possibly happen. Why was I too stupid to realise it was highly likely to happen!!!

    1. Love, love, love this post! Hilarious but true. So funny about running to the hospital to find that you’ve only just …..LOL….See I can’t even finish the sentence without laughing. I’ve been there too, and it does get worse during pregnancy! Laughing hard was strictly off limits for me! If anyone was going to tell a joke, I made sure I stood up first, so that I could make a mad dash out of the door. #fridayfrolics

    1. As women we suffer a major design function, pelvic floor-wise. It has to bear bowel, bladder, vagina, uterus, thundering great additional human child/ren.
      However, if you see your GP it is possible (in some areas) to be referred to a pelvic-floor physiotherapy class where advice on how to strenghten the area can be got.
      At the grand old age of 60 it is making a big difference to mine, and I can tell you, it’s never to late to lean to clench and hold. Get help sooner rather than later, and pre-empt any problems.

    1. Oh dear! I don’t think anyone takes them seriously enough when they tell you to do the pelvis floors. I believe we all have a reckless, cavalier approach, and it just comes down to whp subsequently gets lucky & gets away with it! #fridayfrolics

    1. Fabulous post, I had issues for the first couple of weeks after my daughter was born and religiously did my exercises every day but have been lazy since… totally sat doing my them now while reading this though! Eeek! X

    1. Dry-panted man bahahaha and Morris dancing with knickers – your bladder had no chance faced with that! I love this, what a much-needed reminder to do my pelvic floors – and every day for the rest of my life was what my midwife told me! Thank you for linking up to #ParentingPicks – loved it! Mim x

      1. I remember the midwife telling me to do them every time I was sat at traffic lights. Generally traffic lights are accompanied by me singing “old McDonald” though. Must multi task more…

    1. Oh my gosh… My sister would understand so much better than I however, I am now on pregnancy number 5… yes I know even I get cold sweats every time I write it or say it out loud… However, I have already noticed a difference, sneezing, coughing oh yes… my rather smug face at the “oh my pelvic floor is really good after childbirth” is turning into oh no why after the last two pregnancies did I not do more! That Blase attitude of “oh I’ll be alright” is now not just beginning to haunt me but to also stalk me, waiting for the perfect opportunity to embarrass in front of the masses. Thank you for writing about the taboo and giving Mum’s like me a chance to laugh, (while suitably padded) and also to admit that we too have this issue. Traci xxx

      1. I think it really is luck of the draw on whether you start in a good place (and then clearly this can be much helped with some serious commitment to the pelvic floor exercises!

    1. ….and then when you get to 50 you find you can’t poo without assistance as the forceps have destroyed the muscles and nerves that you didn’t even know you had when you gave birth 30 years ago.

    1. Did I get through this post without doing pelvic floor exercises? I’ve been unable to unclench for many, many minutes! I’m surprised I’m not in a worse state considering the size of my younger son’s head. When I say it was off the charts, I literally mean it was way off the charts, off up above that top centile line. Happily, there is no medical problem that has caused this, but my goodness, that was one big head to get out of a small space. This is such a serious topic, though. It’s one of those things that you just don’t consider, no matter how many midwives tell you about. And only once everything is not quite as it was do you think, ‘maybe I should have listened’.

      Oh, laughing out loud at ‘shit, shit’.

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