I’ve got a biter. More nibbley than a shoal of piranhas, the Hulk bites when he’s over excited, cross, frustrated or just playful. As previously documented, he loves nothing more than eating sand, worms, bugs and shoes. However it would appear he has now made the questionable move into cannibalism.
“Its just a stage” people assure me, and I know they are right, but for the few weeks while you’re living that ‘stage’ being responsible for a biter is enormously stressful. It’s like walking round with a loaded gun in your pocket. It could go off at any point. And when it does, someone is going to hate you. They might be your best friend, and that anger might only be a momentary thing, but your little Luis Suarez has taken a chunk of flesh and blood out of their flesh and blood, and polite society dictates that it’s unacceptable for adults to scowl at toddlers. So it’s you they’re cross with, and rightly so.
Every time he does it, I make a big song and dance of putting him on the naughty step. I get down to his level, I wag my finger, I tell him that we only bite food, I tell him biting is unacceptable, I leave him there for 2 minutes. He waits it out like a hardened criminal in solitary in Belmarsh. Don’t show weakness, don’t cry, don’t show remorse, don’t even react. He looks at me with slight confusion. You can almost see him thinking “doesn’t she realise the play-dough’s drying out while we mess about here? Oh well, it’s her own time she’s wasting, I might even have a cheeky poo while I’m sat here……she’ll definitely get me off the step when she gets a whiff of that”
The most regular victim is the Diva. To be fair, it mostly happens when she’s done something generally irritating and sort of deserves it. But clearly being annoying is not grounds for biting (otherwise Mr Mess Stress and Fancy Dress would have a few chunks gauged out of him by now). I’m secretly hoping that at some point a child victim will bite him back, people keep telling me to bite him, but I’m not biting him, that’s not the way I roll. But I really don’t think he gets it that it hurts, so a cheeky nip from another toddler might not go amiss. Before I run out of friends, the invites are already starting to dry up and I’m sure I saw his face on a wanted poster at the local soft play. Anyone else got a biter?? Fancy a playdate?