I’ve got a biter. More nibbley than a shoal of piranhas, the Hulk bites when he’s over excited, cross, frustrated or just playful. As previously documented, he loves nothing more than eating sand, worms, bugs and shoes. However it would appear he has now made the questionable move into cannibalism.

“Its just a stage” people assure me, and I know they are right, but for the few weeks while you’re living that ‘stage’ being responsible for a biter is enormously stressful. It’s like walking round with a loaded gun in your pocket. It could go off at any point. And when it does, someone is going to hate you. They might be your best friend, and that anger might only be a momentary thing, but your little Luis Suarez has taken a chunk of flesh and blood out of their flesh and blood, and polite society dictates that it’s unacceptable for adults to scowl at toddlers. So it’s you they’re cross with, and rightly so.

Every time he does it, I make a big song and dance of putting him on the naughty step. I get down to his level, I wag my finger, I tell him that we only bite food, I tell him biting is unacceptable, I leave him there for 2 minutes. He waits it out like a hardened criminal in solitary in Belmarsh. Don’t show weakness, don’t cry, don’t show remorse, don’t even react. He looks at me with slight confusion. You can almost see him thinking “doesn’t she realise the play-dough’s drying out while we mess about here? Oh well, it’s her own time she’s wasting, I might even have a cheeky poo while I’m sat here……she’ll definitely get me off the step when she gets a whiff of that”

The most regular victim is the Diva. To be fair, it mostly happens when she’s done something generally irritating and sort of deserves it. But clearly being annoying is not grounds for biting (otherwise Mr Mess Stress and Fancy Dress would have a few chunks gauged out of him by now). I’m secretly hoping that at some point a child victim will bite him back, people keep telling me to bite him, but I’m not biting him, that’s not the way I roll. But I really don’t think he gets it that it hurts, so a cheeky nip from another toddler might not go amiss. Before I run out of friends, the invites are already starting to dry up and I’m sure I saw his face on a wanted poster at the local soft play. Anyone else got a biter?? Fancy a playdate?

Friday Frolics


    1. Your posts continue to be totally hilarious! I love reading your blog which of course keeps me busy and unable to make any play dates! Enjoy the biting, I’m sure I’ve got all that to come. xx

      1. Thank you so much lovely, I hope you get away without the biting, sadly both of mine have been biters but the hulk far more so! I’m so glad you’re still reading it. Loved your last one about number 2. (Baby not a poo!)

    1. Our tot when through a biting phase a while ago. Thankfully he was small enough that he wasn’t playing with other kids and so was just biting adults. It may be terrible but it worried me less than if it were other kids. Hope for your sanity he grows out of it soon. I did bite our lad, although I didn’t do it particularly hard he did seem to get the message. Reciprocal hair pulling was quite effective too.


      1. I am totally with you, always happier if it’s me getting bitten than other kids! I have pulled his hair which made him cry but made absolutely no difference to the hair pulling habit, he still pulls my hair all the time. Thank you for reading. Xxxxx

    1. I feel your pain (literally sometimes!) — I’ve got one at the end stages of biting from frustration and one just beginning as he’s teething. It’s no fun! What curbed my older one’s tendency to gnaw was having another child try the same and somehow it clicked that biting actually hurts. I’m not saying you should run out and find the nearest chompy toddler, but it might not be the worst thing either ?!? Good luck! ~Jennifer via #fridayfrolics

      1. Yup, I’m well up for a play date with a biter, I promise not to tut, or judge their mother when their child takes a chunk out of him. I’ll quietly applaud their ballsy approach and hope he gets the bloody message! Thanks for reading. Xx

    1. The big one went through that ‘stage’. He bit my mum and she told him if he did it again she would bite him back. Of course he did it again, she bit him back and he never did it again after that! Not that I am recommending converting to cannibalism! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    1. Ha – we all love a biter. I sympathise, I had the hitter. It’s amusing now when I think back but at the time – oh the shame. A substantial birth weight gave a head start on all the other little dollies ensuring that her right hook generally also floored them at the same time. How many times did I have to apologise for that kid, god she owes me big time. I loved meeting other mums with hitters – isn’t that terrible! #fridayfrolics

      1. He also dabbles in pushing, but is more committed to biting. Not so much hitting though, we must not arrange a play date as I reckon he would pick up some skills! thank you so much for reading lovely. Xxxx

    1. Oh I feel for you. Charlie bit my leg yesterday for the first time (he’s 11 months) and I’m freaking out that this will be his new thing. He did it because I was talking to a friend and he was trying to get my attention! Eeek… Not sure what I hate more, biting or headbutting me in the eye in the middle of a lovely dream (as he did in the wee hours this morning…)

      I love the line about the playdough drying out. Hahahahaha 🙂


      1. ahhhh the attention seeking bite, I know it well. Headbutting eh? Nice work. He is getting involved in the stealth attacks early I feel! Thanks so much for reading lovely lady. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

    1. I’ll never forget the day I first picked up Bebe from nursery and was told she’d bitten one of the other children. She did it at least four times that I was made aware of. At home she also used to bite. She’s nearly five and when she’s in a super rage, the teeth come out. Her little sister has taken to random gnawing on me and himself. I know it’s a phase but…

      1. Crap isn’t it. I feel as ashamed as if it were me doing the biting. its the phase that lasts and lasts. Thanks for reading!

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