On the one hand, I bloody love Disney. They entertain my children with energy and enthusiasm when mine has long since run out. They can be constantly relied on upon to sing and dance and placate even the grumpiest toddler. And for this, I will be eternally grateful. On the other hand, I dislike the horrendous sexism contained within most films, however without them I would never get the dinner made or sit down and have a cup of
hot lukewarm coffee, so my fine upstanding morals have been trodden down by my need to peel a potato without a 2 year old driving a car up my leg.
So I have narrowed it down, here are the things about Disney that annoy me the most.
- The songs. They are too catchy. Too many times I have been caught in traffic jams singing “Love is an Open Door” from Frozen to myself. It might be the case that I use a high voice to be Anna and a low voice to be Hans. This may well have even happened after I have dropped the kids off at Nursery and I am on my own in the car, but that might just be rumour.
- The innuendo. Why must you make me explain to my 3 year old why I am laughing hysterically at Anna’s request to Kristoff to “take me up the North Mountain” And really, must they send Anna to the docks looking for men?
- The outfits. Most pre-school girls want to be a Disney princess. They con you, you purchase numerous items of fancy dress. They will not remove these for love nor money, given a choice they will sleep in them. With this in mind, must Disney design such impractical outfits. I can tell you from experience that you can’t get spaghetti bolognaise out of a yellow satin Belle outfit. I can also tell you that trying to do a wild wee in a park wearing a Cinderella dress is pretty tricky. And lets not even talk about that aggressive branch, ripping the cape off the back of the Elsa dress. At some point can they please have a Disney Princess in jeans?
- The merchandise. Really must you plaster Disney Princesses on such utter crap? Granted there are definite positives to the power of the Princess – you can actually get a 4 year excited about a flannel if Aurora is on it – but they do make the most horrendous items, covetable. No, I do not want a plastic recorder with a picture of Ariel on it, in my house. To be fair I never ever ever want a recorder to cross my threshold again, but that’s another story.
- Disneyland. The Holy Grail of holidays. The Diva knows it “costs too many pounds Mummy” but she still begs to go every night. When you ask her what she is going to dream about tonight, she mostly says “Disneyland. Maybe one day when we have more pounds we can go there Mummy?”
However, all is forgiven when they made Brave. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should. The key message in the film is that although your Mum might be quite annoying at times, she is excellent and you should love her. And on the grounds of this film alone, Disney I salute you.