Things my toddler has posted

My 20 month old loves nothing more than posting items out of something. Mostly this is out of the cat flap on the back door, but quite regularly he posts things out of the letter box on the front door. I assume a career within the postal service awaits him, let’s face it he’s got to be more efficient than Postman Pat. That man takes the piss. He seems to deliver a maximum of about 2 parcels a day, he loses at least one of them, a farm animal eats the other one and then he has to get the helicopter out to deliver the half eaten parcel to someone who lives 5 minutes down the road. No wonder it’s now 63p for a stamp.

Some items get posted out of the building as regularly as 4 times in a morning, others get reserved for special occasions. My favourites include-

  • Remote controls. In general the remote control is the holy grail of posting. You can usually tell it’s on the back door mat by the smug look on his face as he victory dances down the hall. Amazingly a tv remote control can in fact weather a light rain shower. Sadly however, not a full storm.
  • My phone. Anyone of questionable character living near me should be aware that there’s generally an I-phone just sat outside on my door mat before lunch.
  • The entire contents of my handbag. Items will be removed one by one and individually posted. Anything paper will have blown away by the time I’ve realised. To be fair he’s sabotaging his own chances of enjoying the fruits of the sainsburys active kids scheme.
  • Shoes – these fit out the cat flap but generally create a lot of noise on departure alerting me to the situation. A full on war then occurs. Immediate retrieval of a posted item will cause you to incur the wrath of the worlds angriest postman. His temperament may well scupper his chances of a postal career. Postman Pat may be wildly inefficient but I can’t remember him ever throwing a shoe at someone and then banging his head on the floor until his nose bleeds.
  • Himself- never happy to be caged, the worlds youngest Houdini has contorted his determined little body through the catflap. I caught him as he was running excitedly to freedom like Tim Robbins in the Shawshank redemption but for once, with slightly less shit.

The List


      1. Ha, only because he is too busy posting stuff to learn to talk. Maybe by the time he’s 7 he will have bothered to say some funny stuff! He genuinely posted himself on at least 5 occasions. Crazy child.

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