I hope you can help. Truly I do. Please, I urge you, check those bags you’ve been putting your kids outgrown clothes into. Look in the back of the wardrobe. Search the loft. If you’re in your local charity shop, for pity’s sake, just spare me a second to peruse the nightwear section. Keep your eye out for this beauteous little number. It’s from Matalan. It’s a hand-me-down so it could be about 4 years old. It’s important.
It’s a dressing gown. A Housecoat if you will. A robe if you’re from the other side of the Atlantic. A Mumu if you’re monstrously obese (that’ll be me then). This kind of garment goes by many names, but in this house, it goes by the moniker of “Blue Coat”
“Blue Coat” is the Hulk’s first word when I enter his room each morning. Blue coat goes on every day – even in summer. The Hulk cannot possibly be expected to go downstairs unless he is sporting “Blue Coat”. Not a morsel of breakfast will pass his lips without “Blue Coat”.
“Blue coat” always has a smattering of baked beans on the sleeve. It has been known to be put on whilst still slightly damp from the wash. “Blue coat” was worn for the entirety of Christmas Day, over the top of the lovely Christmas day shirt and trouser combo I painstakingly picked out so the photos looked nice. It regularly gets donned to do the school run. It’s the go-to item of clothing for the man of this house if he’s feeling slightly sad. He can be sure that “Blue Coat” will right all the wrongs of the world.
“Blue Coat” is an established part of the Mess, Stress and Fancy Dress Household. And herein lies the problem. We find ourselves at the nub, “Blue Coat” is aged 12-18 months. The Hulk is 2 and a half. Blue coat barely does up anymore. What do I do? Do I try to insert panels into the side seams of bluecoat? Do I add an attractive contrast hem extension? I am frankly petrified of the idea of even trying to unpick the seams of “Blue Coat”. What if I fail to have it ready to wear by 6.15am the next day? Without “Blue Coat” the fabric of his life unravels.
So I urge you, check your wardrobe. Look for “Blue Coat”. It’s from Matalan. It has a picture of a monkey on the pocket. I need it in age 2-3. Without it, it’s starting to look unlikely that we will leave the house in 2016. And if you can’t send “Blue Coat”, send alcohol. Your support will help a mum to survive a family crisis. Make a one off donation, or commit to a monthly wine direct debit. Share this post. Pin the photo of “Blue Coat” up in nurseries nationwide. Join the appeal. Save my sanity…..