Urgent Appeal for information – “Blue Coat”

I hope you can help. Truly I do. Please, I urge you, check those bags you’ve been putting your kids outgrown clothes into. Look in the back of the wardrobe. Search the loft. If you’re in your local charity shop, for pity’s sake, just spare me a second to peruse the nightwear section. Keep your eye out for this beauteous little number. It’s from Matalan. It’s a hand-me-down so it could be about 4 years old. It’s important.

It’s a dressing gown. A Housecoat if you will. A robe if you’re from the other side of the Atlantic. A Mumu if you’re monstrously obese (that’ll be me then). This kind of garment goes by many names, but in this house, it goes by the moniker of “Blue Coat”


“Blue Coat” is the Hulk’s first word when I enter his room each morning. Blue coat goes on every day – even in summer. The Hulk cannot possibly be expected to go downstairs unless he is sporting “Blue Coat”. Not a morsel of breakfast will pass his lips without “Blue Coat”.


“Blue coat” always has a smattering of baked beans on the sleeve. It has been known to be put on whilst still slightly damp from the wash. “Blue coat” was worn for the entirety of Christmas Day, over the top of the lovely Christmas day shirt and trouser combo I painstakingly picked out so the photos looked nice. It regularly gets donned to do the school run. It’s the go-to item of clothing for the man of this house if he’s feeling slightly sad. He can be sure that “Blue Coat” will right all the wrongs of the world.


“Blue Coat” is an established part of the Mess, Stress and Fancy Dress Household. And herein lies the problem. We find ourselves at the nub, “Blue Coat” is aged 12-18 months. The Hulk is 2 and a half. Blue coat barely does up anymore. What do I do? Do I try to insert panels into the side seams of bluecoat? Do I add an attractive contrast hem extension? I am frankly petrified of the idea of even trying to unpick the seams of “Blue Coat”. What if I fail to have it ready to wear by 6.15am the next day? Without “Blue Coat” the fabric of his life unravels.

So I urge you, check your wardrobe. Look for “Blue Coat”. It’s from Matalan. It has a picture of a monkey on the pocket. I need it in age 2-3. Without it, it’s starting to look unlikely that we will leave the house in 2016. And if you can’t send “Blue Coat”, send alcohol. Your support will help a mum to survive a family crisis. Make a one off donation, or commit to a monthly wine direct debit. Share this post. Pin the photo of “Blue Coat” up in nurseries nationwide. Join the appeal. Save my sanity…..

Life Love and Dirty Dishes
And then the fun began...


    1. This cracked me up! Bless though, I hope you do manage to find a bigger blue coat – when I was a kid I was obsessed with these little Clarks t-bar shoes. I wore them everywhere, everyday, even when my feet were all cramped up in them. My mum tried to get me a pair in the next size up to no avail, so my dad cut the toes out and tried to tell me they were now sandals. I’m still scarred! 🙂 #fridayfrolics

      1. Ha ha. Loving the image of you with your little toes poking out the front of some mangled shoes! thanks for reading. xx

    1. Haha! I have never seen one of these, I’m afraid. However, I suggest that you contact either Bob Geldof or Lenny Henry. I am sure that a Blue Coat Aid or Blue Coat Relief could be organised. I can see the moving videos now: ‘Please, with just a tiny bit of support from you, we cannot only supply the age 2-3 blue coat needed to allow Helen and her family to leave their house, we can supply blue coats for all the children in this country who need a properly fitting sleeve to dip in baked beans…’ Of course, you might end up with the ‘with £5 from you we can supply Helen with the materials she needs to make her OWN bloody blue coats every year’ appeal instead, & that would not be good! #fridayfrolics

      1. I will write to Bob Geldolf immediately to raise awareness of this issue. The least he can do is write me an appeal song, surely!

    1. I think you might have to go with the wine option. Do you think he would contemplate a *similar* dressing gown? That might be the other option but I know these kids – they don’t like you trying to pull the wool (or in this case blue fluff) over their eyes. Good luck!! thanks for remembering to join #thetruthabout this week Helen! Appreciated. X

      1. Thanks, after 3 weeks of having it hanging around in the house, he has finally accepted the replacement blue coat my mum found for him. CALL OFF THE SEACRH!!!

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