Don’t get me wrong, I bloody love my kids, they are loving, cheeky, naughty and absolutely hilarious. But today I have the day off both work and motherhood. An actual genuine holiday day. Today the Diva is going for a trip to Legoland with Daddy and her nursery, and the Hulk is in the safe hands of his nursery, these are, by far, safer hands than mummy’s hands. They can even get him to wear his sunhat without staging a wrestling match. And they seem able to apply sun cream without sustaining injuries to themselves. I have to have St John’s ambulance on standby before attempting this task, and to date have been kicked in the lady garden, poked in the eye and had my hand scratched. To add insult to injury he sits nicely to eat his meals. He even pops his own bib on. I know this, I’ve seen him. I suspect sorcery.
Anyway I digress.
I am at large in society without the kids. To say I am excited would be an under statement. I am on the train to London, grinning to myself with anticipation. I am going shopping, I might even “browse” I will certainly venture into some changing rooms and I might even buy something. Then I am meeting my friend for lunch which will include food I don’t want my children to eat, uninterrupted conversation and cider. Hopefully lots of cider.I feel like Julie Andrews, but if we were playing top trumps with our favourite things, eating, drinking and sitting down would clearly piss all over warm woollen mittens. I’m onto a winner!
And aside from an ill advised run in with a jumpsuit (what was I thinking? I looked like an enormously overweight toddler) I had pretty much the best day I’ve had in ages. I shopped – slowly – and I made a lovely purchase without anyone wetting themselves in the shoe department. I didn’t have to threaten anyone with lost privileges, and no strangers scowled at me. Then I had a 4 hour lunch, ate dirty fried food, got a bit pissed, and laughed till my face hurt. Now I’m sat on a commuter train, chortling to myself and looking forward to kissing my kids goodnight as my more than capable husband puts them into bed. I congratulate myself on a well chosen husband and enjoy the rest of the train journey in peace. *Smug face*
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