As all parents do, we go through phases of sleeplessness with the kids. An odd night here and there can be remedied with the wonderful legal high that is caffeine (don’t tell the government or they’ll snatch it away), but extended sleep deprivation does funny things to you. The diva had to have her tonsils and adenoids out in February as they were so oversized they were giving her sleep aponoea. For the few months prior to the op, we were averaging 3-4 hours sleep a night. It was in this slightly hazy phase of my life that the following things happened:
- I went to sainsburys in my pyjamas. In my defence, the cat had pissed on my jeans and the diva had pissed on the floor, I grabbed the nearest item of clothing I could find and dealt with the mess. I then just forgot I was wearing them – until people started giving me strange looks in the biscuit aisle.
- I allowed my children to watch hours of back to back disney films. I reckon I could enter mastermind with a disney character specialist subject. I feel I’ve really got to know who they are as people. I’m fairly sure Belle could take Snow White in an arm wrestle. To be fair I still regularly let them watch lots of Disney films. Some days its either that or put my head in the oven.
- I watched a lot of Jeremy Kyle. Often in an evening. I series linked it. It makes me feel better when life is hard. I’ve got all my own teeth and I know who the father of both my children are. No one suspects me of stealing their next door neighbours granny’s watch. Really my life is a roaring success.
- I got into a veritable war with Mr Mess Stress and Fancy Dress over painting the fence. He was determined to do it, I was determined it was uneccessary, and just a reason to get out of looking after the enormously overtired and generally unpleasant children. The fence blew down in the wind, ending the war in scences reminiscent of Berlin in 1989 – if those scences were full of smug wives saying “I told you it was a waste of time” and tutting a bit.
- I cried at a dentist appointment. She suggested I should make time to floss. I told her I didn’t have time to brush my hair then I cried at her and ran away.
- And I shouted at my children. A lot. But they stole all my sleep, so really it’s their own fault. Isn’t it? No? Bollocks I hate being the grown up sometimes……..
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