To the mum of the toddler that bit my child...

To the mum of the toddler that bit my child…

Before I say another word, that stick that you’re beating yourself with, move away from it straight away. Your son bit my son. It wasn’t you. You didn’t do any biting today. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t insight him into violence. I’d like to think you weren’t whispering in his ear, advising him that if my son didn’t give up with Little Tikes police car soon, the best thing to do was bite his finger. You didn’t do that. Actually you did the total opposite, you totally parented the shit out of the situation.

In fact if we’re going to review the parenting here, mine was slightly lacking, not yours. I was sat with my mates drinking coffee. You were watching your son. You were there quick smart and you made him apologise. He was taken off for a while and he came back crying, so I’m pretty sure you weren’t congratulating him on the strength of his jaw. I should have been watching my son more closely, but instead I was moaning to my equally tired mates about how the toddler has disowned sleep. I came when I heard the cry, and you were already there, dealing with it.

I guess your son is 2, at the most he is pushing 3. As much as we would like to imagine they know better, they kind of don’t. There was a sharing violation with the car. In 15 years time, they will probably be having a fracas over a large breasted teenager called Chelsea.  Disputes happen all through life. Unless you are Mike Tyson, you learn how to deal with them without resorting to biting! I regularly want to stab Mr Mess Stress and Fancy Dress in the eye with a biro if he dares to disagree with my TV selection, so it must be pretty tough if you’re only 2. He followed his instincts and he bit. If he were a caveboy, that instinct would be keeping him alive. Sadly in our so called civilised world, some people judge and over-react.

Let’s not forget that it could so easily have been my son doing the biting. In many ways you’ve done me a favour. That currently hard done by toddler, has taken chunks out of many an unsuspecting child in this same establishment. When he’s teething, I have to actually follow him round to ensure he doesn’t leave a trail of screaming children in his wake. You allowed me to have the conversation about how much it hurts when you get bitten. Maybe he might finally understand. In many ways it was kind of nice to be the parent of the victim for once, and not the parent of the aggressor (obviously it wasn’t nice to see my son in pain, but if a pom bear enabled him to forget, I doubt the memory will leave a mental scar.) Its soooo much easier to be the parent of the victim.

We learn by making mistakes, by understanding the ramifications of our chosen behaviour. As an adult we might manage to learn that from just one instance. But as a pre-schooler, we might need a few more bollockings. Judging by the amount of times I have to ask a child to put on a shoe, I imagine a pre-schooler has to hear something about 37 times before it makes any kind of indent in their memory. So lets not vilify your little nibbler. He’ll get there.

So please. Forget about it. You dealt with it with aplomb. You were reasonable but firm. You were brilliant to watch. Now get yourself a massive Gin and Tonic, you everyday parenting hero, you deserve it. xxx

Life Love and Dirty Dishes

div align=”center”>Pink Pear Bear

Pink Pear Bear

24 Comments

    1. This was exactly me last week! Someone bit the terrorist last week at nursery. When I was pulled to one side re ‘an incident’ my heart sank – and the soared!! When they said it was him who was hurt and not the biter!… I told them to tell the mum of the other child not to worry, I was completely ok with it.

      I am that mum that wanders around after my child in fear of an altercation. Thank you for understanding. (Crisps do sort most things – to be fair) xx

      1. It happens to so many of us! Those indignant parents in soft play who think you’re child is a hooligan should try parenting one for a while. Just keep telling yourself that they wont grow up into a doormat of an adult. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway! xx

    1. Ahhh the guilt and shame of knowing your tot did something wrong… It’s so hard to just let it go, especially since some moms just blow off the handle. I think you handled it quite well. 🙂 And don’t beat yourself up either, Mama! No, you weren’t watching your child quite as closely as the other mom, but that doesn’t mean you were any less of a parenting hero. And sounds like you need a drink anyway. I sure do. CHEERS!

    1. This is so good; my sister had a horrible situation where another parent was awful to her after her 2 year old bit her daughter, and it’s so unfair as it does happen to everyone! #bigpinklink

      1. It happens to everyone. The response to this post has been so positive and tells me that there are more understanding mums out there than meanies. Thanks so much for reading xx

    1. It’s awful isn’t it – the relief when it’s your little so and so is the nibbled rather than the nibbler! Glad he was ok, and that there was a mum who handled the situation rather than just ignoring it (as happened to me once – you don’t know where to put yourself when another mum just ignores her child’s outrageous behaviour!) #bigpinklink

    1. I love this! Toddlers bite and push and hit and snatch and if all parents could acknowledge that fact there would be one fewer stress to parenting. Of course, when it happens a good parent acts on that and intervenes/disciplines etc. but I think when your kid hurts another child the anxiety over how that child’s parent is going to react makes the whole thing so much worse than it needs to be.

      #bigpinklink

      1. That’s it! I get really anxious at soft play because its usually my son doing the biting! Thanks so much for reading xx

    1. I think I love you, where do you live? Can we be best friends??! I think this needs to be printed, and put up in every soft play/play group/nursery in the land! I had a terrible incident once, where my child (he was going through an awful biting stage, but I took my eye off my usually regimented ball, for literally a second,) eluded capture, and bite someone. I was having a bit of a rough time (I have these bouts of anxiety on and off, and had just had a really bad one,) and I just seemed to be finding everything a struggle. I didn’t know it had happened to begin with, until the parent of the child confronted me, She confronted me so loudly and aggressively, SHE MADE AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF ADULTS AND PREVIOUSLY SHOUTING TODDLERS, STOP AND STARE AT US. As well as feeling a bit sorry for myself that day, I’m also really quiet and sensitive by nature, and it was the worst thing that could’ve happened. So I did the only thing I could do at that time-I burst into tears… It didn’t stop her either, she kept going! I literally shuddered every time I went passed that place for months afterwards! Bleugh!! I think the way you handled it was brilliant, and the parent of the biter should read this post!
      Thank you so much for sharing with us at #bigpinklink!

      1. Ahhhhh thank you so much! I’m so sorry you had such a shit experience, I’ve had a similar one in the past too. Most kids have a grumpy aggressive pre-school phase. The sooner we all accept it for what it is (a part of life) and not for something it probably isn’t (bad parenting) the better! Most mums of the aggressor are embarrassed and horrified and tell their child off. Occasionally people don’t but lets not tar everyone with the same brush. Part of the problem is probably that most mothers are exceptionally tired at all times and over react easily. Oh and some are just dicks. I like to think there’s not too many of them though! Thank you so much for reading. I hope that mother does see this post. She was ace!

    1. this is such a great post! as mums we always feel bad/judged if our children do anything untoward. At this age it seems more like exploration, pushing boundaries and they definitely don’t really understand quite what they are doing – certainly as a parent we have no control over the actions of our toddlers!

    1. This is such a lovely post! I wish all parents had this attitude – it would make life so much less stressful. I think it’s the parent factor and the associated pressure that makes these situations so difficult, but reading this and reading the comments has made me realise that most of us do have this attitude, it’s only a few out there who get all aggressive and angry about it! #bigpinklink

    1. Perfectly written post. I wish I could form a constructive comment but I’m salivating over the perfection in this post. The large breasted teenager, the biro on hubby, the ‘currently hard done by’ kid and the trail of screaming kids. Loved every bit of this. And bravo to that mum. You don’t find mums like that here in Malta where certain ‘types’ let their kids run around like lunatics who are totally unaccountable for any action. #FridayFrolics and #BigPinkLinky

    1. You’re happily tucking your toddler in for his afternoon nap when he starts to panic  — where’s his favorite stuffed Big Bird toy? A peaceful nap won’t occur without it!

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